Saturday, November 21, 2009

Food For Thought...

"You are a woman. You have the power to cast spells over boys with your words, your silence, your gestures, your eyes, and your actions. This power can be super fun/entertaining, and will most likely result in an epic make out and/or someone falling in love with you. I can’t stress enough how much power you have. Use it wisely."

-Alexi Wasser

Unsolved Mysteries...

Why are guys so good at coming up with horribly cruel and embarrassing signs to show their disinterest in a woman, and yet so illiterate when it comes to reading hers?

No, Really, He's Just Not That Into You...

I was talking to one of the photographers at work the other day and he told me the most unfortunate story about this girl who continues to chase after him despite his many - and rather obvious - objections. Now, I get the whole "chase" thing, I do. I've "dated" assholes before and I've fallen for not so single guys too. Not being able to get what you want is not only hot, it's part of the game - it's just how it works. And in most cases, the torture of it all is also half the fun. But despite all that, there always comes the point where a girl needs to smarten up, pull her head out for a minute or two and assess the situation at hand, I mean really assess it - because none of the torture that an asshole puts you through is worth it if you never get to take him home... in which case he's just an ass.

Sometimes it's hard to figure him out yes, that is the point after all, but there are some obvious red flags that you should be aware of. So what I've done here is taken a few examples from some of my friends worst experiences to help you with that assessment of yours. Think of it as a checklist of sorts… a checklist of obvious signs he really couldn't care less about you or the fact that his rudeness is hurting your feelings.

In order to get his attention, you either have to tap him on the shoulder or get him cornered.

If you can't seem to get a moment alone with him, it's because he's not making himself available to you. Read between the lines. You do not need to be chasing anyone around, if anyone should be cornering and tapping, it's him.

He showed up to the party you invited him to with his best buddy… and 5 other girls.

Aside from being incredibly embarrassing, this move of his is actually his way of letting you down gently. Basically, he's trying to save you from the even more embarrassing (and not to mention totally pathetic) chasing and shoulder tapping with an advanced warning.

He keeps calling you "Lucy", and you keep reminding him that it's "Lindsay".

If he likes you, he'll remember your name. It doesn't matter if the only other time you met was 6 years ago when you ran into him with a friend at her dry cleaners or if you have one those names that includes an exclamation mark and asterix - he'll have it down. Forgetting is not the same as not giving a shit.

He makes out with your friend.

Well, I don't have much to say here other than if you can't figure this one out then you're hopeless, I mean really.

*Please note that this list is of course subject to change as men are exceedingly good at finding new cruel and embarrassing ways to avoid being upfront with a girl about their disinterest. Beware, you might not get to read about any of those new ways here first before you encounter them.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Men Are Like...

... Blenders.

You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

To Wax or Not to Wax... That's the REAL Question!

Ok so this one was bound to come up eventually. I've been wanting to write about it for a while really, but finding the right approach proved harder than I thought. But then I read this:
(http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/relationships/article6893826.ece)

For those of you who don't care to read it, I'll explain. It's an article from the Times Online, well actually it's a question sent in by 38 year old woman who recently stepped back into the dating game. She's dating a 27 year old now and they have reached a, shall we say, "point of conflict" in their relationship. Basically he freaked when she took her underwear off and exposed her rather unkempt ... "garden".

See now I'm all for grooming, in fact, I think it's probably the most important thing I look for in a partner, initially. The problem here however is that these days - in the case of just about any woman out there who isn't a porn star, stripper, or single 20yr old in the midst of her own personal sexual revolution - "unkempt" pretty much qualifies as anything that falls short of a Brazilian. And what's worse is that the Times Online Answer Person - yes that's her official title - sides with the woman's 27 yr old boyfriend in explaining how unfortunately, thanks to porn, Brazillians are now expected just as much as shaved legs and armpits are, and though it may not be very fair, because men have now been conditioned to find pubic hair "off-putting" in today's society, it's up to us to do something about it.

Um... excuse me? First of all, I highly doubt that enough women out there are spending the extra $50 a month it takes to get the damn thing waxed for it to really be much of a social standard. Second, if having a Brazillian or not is going to be the deal breaker in this relationship - or any one for that matter - then maybe it's not the pubic hair that needs to go. Ladies, don't stress out about what you should or should not be doing according to today's latest trends, or worse, your boyfriends happiness. Always do what is best for you. The average woman is not walking around completely bald like you might have been told she was. And that's because, like you, the average woman has a life, she has things to do and bills to pay - and unfortunately for her man, contemplating the latest trends in pubic hair and weather or not his pornographic fantasies are being fully satisfied are not that high up on her list of priorities.

Bottom line is that it's your body, and it's your comfort. If you can handle the pain (yes, the pain), the up-keep, and the cost, then go for it, because there are definitely some major benefits to going bare down there. But if for whatever reason you can't, or just can't decide, please don't let someone who cringes at the thought of tweezing his eyebrows influence or make you feel bad about a decision that involves ripping hot wax off your most sensitive parts.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

You Tell Me...

Ok, simple question: What is that one thing that you just cannot accept in a (potential) partner? For some it's lying - although, personally I think that's kind of ridiculous, not to mention hypocritical since we all do it anyway- for others it's bad grammar. A dorky name, bad hygiene, being rude to waiters, and wearing pants covered with the patches of various NBA teams are also popular ones.

(side-eye).

So you tell me: what is your deal breaker?

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Fact...

Fact: A scientist in Sheffeild, UK has finished a 60 year long study concluding that penis size - while crucial to men's confidence in terms of both body image and sexual performance - is more important amongst men themselves than women. Apparently, while 85% of women say they are satisfied by their partners size, only 55% of men were happy with what god gave them. The overall conclusion? Small penis syndrome is all in your head. Penis size doesn't really have an effect on the over-all attraction that women have toward men, so get over it. Stop stressing, because we know that, like presents, good penises come in all sorts of packages. And we will always choose quality over quantity ... except when talking shoes. (http://www.news-medical.net/news/2007/06/04/25972.aspx)

Alice in ... Loveland?

Loveland, on Jeju Island in South Korea has literally given the term "amusement park" a whole new meaning. I can't tell if I find this incredibly cool or incredibly uncomfortable. It may actually be a bit of both. Whatever the case, I could definitely get lost in this park for hours.(http://jezebel.com/5389184/and-now-its-time-for-a-nsfw-field-trip-to-love-land/gallery/)

On a side note, interesting that a country which never speaks about sex, and frowns heavily upon PDA, has come up with such an explicit and elaborate display.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

What Ever Happened To...

Good Old-fashioned Sexual Intercourse?!

I know that advances in science and technology have done a lot of good for mankind, but this invention could quite possibly be the end of us. No, seriously. A former NASA engineer has developed a toy for men that promises a virtual sex experience. It's called Real Touch, and it's the craziest thing I've ever seen. The inside of this solo-sex contraption is specially designed to feel just like the inside of a woman; soft skin-like interior, squeezing and stroking mechanisms, a heating system, and even a lube reservoir that simulates wet skin-on-skin sensations! So instead of using the old rub n' tug technique, this machine is giving men everywhere the opportunity to actually feel what they're watching on screen (i.e.: porn). (http://www.realtouch.com/dispatcher/home)

Now, I'm not one to knock a good toy, but this really scares me. Is this thing eventually going to replace me? The way they're marketing it seems to suggest so; the toy that never says "no" and you'll never have to buy her drinks again, etc. When you put it like that, why would a man ever leave the house again?

I just hope that with all the excitement surrounding this new product men don't forget the fun and satisfaction that a real woman has to offer, otherwise we're all screwed (pardon the pun).

Monday, October 12, 2009

Dear Diary...

Sometimes I like to wear lingerie under my regular work clothes for no other reasons than to feel sexy and confident during the day...