F.W.Bs

Carrie: "A fuck buddy is a guy you probably dated once or twice, but it didn't really go anywhere, but the sex was so great, you sort of keep him on call."

Samantha: "He's like a dial-a-dick."

'Friends with Benefits', 'Fuck Friends', 'Pound Pals', call it what you want, it's become a popular theme for girls our age. More convenient than a boyfriend, a 'fuck friend' gives you what you need, while still allowing you to continue on selfishly with your busy little life. Yes it’s hard to not get caught up when the “ooh baby, ya that feels good, I love what you do to me” starts to occur on the regular, but when properly maintained, all that complicated stuff can be avoided. See, things start to go wrong when communication lines gets crossed, or lost altogether, but that’s why there are rules to these kinds of things, rules that are definitely NOT meant to be broken.

1) DO NOT attempt a ‘Friends w/Benefits’ relationship with someone you are emotionally attached or attracted to.

• This is the big one, the one rule that comes before all others for the sole reason that it sets the course of the relationship. Trying this with someone you really like, will only get you screwed, and not just in the bedroom. (If it’s a relationship you want, stop now, because this is exactly how NOT to do that... trust me, I say this from experience).

2) DO NOT call the next day.

• One, it makes you seem vulnerable (like you’re the one who’s attached and looking for a relationship), two, distancing yourself from the relationship is key to it's success. (This rule applies to the subject of sleeping over as well, if you HAVE to, ok, but avoid it a.m.a.p.)

3) DO NOT leave any of your crap at his place.

• Doing this symbolizes that you'll be back, and that's a major no-no. You need to be able to drop this at any given moment, for whatever reason, cleanly.

4) DO NOT change the way you act with him in public (as in hugging or hanging out more often if you weren't previously doing so).

• People will start to suspect you’re together when you aren’t, which not only takes you ‘off the market’ in the eyes of other 'potentials', but it could also blow your cover (no need to air your dirty laundry in public, it’s tacky).

5) Avoid regular phone calls and conversations.

• Remember, this is about satisfying needs, not forging a bond. Talking on the phone builds intimacy, and intimacy leads to emotional attachment, WHICH IS COMPLETELY OUT OF THE QUESTION HERE. (see #1)

6) Keep the relationship as one dimensional as possible.

• Don’t be awkward about it, there is no need to be. The conditions are (or should be) clear for both parties: you’re casual friends for the purpose of mutual satisfaction, if other feelings start to emerge, confront them (together) and abandon the sex.

One night stands make a girl feel cheap, but ‘Friends w/Benefits’ (when done correctly) lets her know what she's getting into. If this is something you want to do, know that it's gonna be WAY harder for you than for him (cuz we're girls and we're just like that); be smart, be safe, and be selfish, and you should find that everything else, will be just fine.

10 Reasons...

Why NOT to Date a College Guy:

10. Simply put, his penis is too big, and his brain is too small.

9. 1/2 way through the semester, he's more interested in books than in you.

8. Athlete? 3 words: Groupies & Lockeroom Therapy.

7. Out of towner? He's either not looking for anything serious (cuz he's going home soon anyway), OR he's looking for a wifey. Neither benefit you.

[Break: Umm, I'm gonna take this time to make a little PSA while we're on this point girls, a 'wifey' is not what you think it is, it's just code for a 'nanny' (not to mention a cruel way of sucking us in). No way do you want to be one right now, and no way does a college boy deserve one.]

6. Roomates.

5. Chances are he's only recently discovered 'booty' (...um, can you say selfish?)

4. Broke Ass.

3. His friends (always remember: bros before... you know).

2. He's surrounded by girls... most with lower standards than Paris Hilton, let alone you.

1. YouTube.

The 30/28 Rule

They say that the average male brain matures 3 years slower than the average female’s, which means that besides the numerical difference in age between a woman and her man, there is an additional 3 years of mental retardation on his side. So if you’re 25 and he’s 30, really, it’s like you’re dating a 27 year old (which isn’t a bad deal at all), but say you’re 21 and he’s 21, well, now you can see where things start to get a little bit concerning (... now imagine how I felt as a 23 year old with a 19 year old, yeah, I knew things seemed 'high-school' for a reason).

Case in point: The Cougar-Cub Relationship (Older woman/younger man).

It’s become a trend. In some cases it can be pretty damn near perfect; he digs it because she’s “experienced, confident and independent” (code for sexually free and easy on his wallet), and she digs it because he can keep up with her sexual needs and wants, while playing according to her rules. In other cases however, it can be a lot like baby-sitting… only this kid is 5’11, weighs 175 pounds, and knows that you’re way to emotional to live up to that ‘my way or the highway’ bravado you keep tossing around.
So how do you have your cake and eat it too? Well, the truth is you can’t (partly because not every guy is the same, and partly because some men are just very skilled at masking the ‘crazy’ for long periods of time and springing it on you once you’re much too far into the relationship to get out unscathed). There is a way to lower your risk and avoid the baby-sitter dilemma however, and that’s 'the 30/28 rule': until you reach 30, don’t even look at younger men, and when you get there, don’t you dare push the 2 year margin or else seriously, you might as well just start dating twelve year olds right now.
Look, I don’t mean to be hard on guys (haha yeah right), it’s just that before the age of 28 (numerically) they’re just not mentally developed enough to handle a woman. You see, a man under the age of 25 (mentally) isn’t really a ‘man’ at all, as at this point there are only two things guiding all of his decisions and actions: sex and money (and I don’t need science to back me up on that it’s just true, ask one). That's why my 30/28 rule makes sense; yes they’re fun to flirt with, and yes they can satisfy those physical cravings of ours with rather surprising vitality and flare, but mature and meaningful relationship? It just doesn’t add up (literally).
It's really pretty perfect actually, follow it, that way you get to enjoy the benefits of having a younger guy at a time when your own maturity and patience have developed enough to be able to handle him, AFTER you enjoy the benefits of dating an older one while you wait (aka a sugar daddy).

ahem, booya.