Dick-tionary...

Trysexual: A person who will try anything sexual at least once... or three times.

You Tell Me...

So here's one for the guys: For a girl, attraction grows deeper with time. You may be cute on the first date, but you're pretty damn near comparable to Taylor Kitsch - see Friday Night Lights for reference - after you've cared for my sick cat while I was out of town or brought me soup and crackers when I was forced to stay up late cramming for exams. The more time we spend with you, the more there is to be turned on about. Unfortunately (and rather depressingly) I overheard two guys discussing the exact opposite of this at a pub today.

So you tell me: Does a girl really become less sexually desirable the longer you are with her?

Sexy Inventions...

For those lonely nights...

First Impressions...

Soooo... I joined PlentyOfFish.com yesterday. I know, I know, online dating ew perverts I know. Honestly, I've never been one to do this kind of thing, but I've heard good things about this site - my good friend just met her current and seemingly perfect boyfriend on there - so I figured it was at least worth a peek. And to my surprise, it's not that bad. Seriously. Given all the stories I hear, I was half expecting to be harassed by a bunch of ugly, divorced, older men. But so far, out the 30 or so messages I've received (not bad for a days work I think), I've only had one nasty old man, the rest were all relatively decent-looking young guys.

And what's really nice about about POF is that I can control who's allowed to contact me, from age right down to bad habits (ie: no smokers and no perverts looking for 2nd relationships or "intimate encounters"). I can even limit my suitors to only those with pictures! Which is great since that's half the work right there. But I think my favorite part of this whole thing is just reading the messages that these guys are sending me. I've got everything from trying-to-be-clever-but-actually-lame one-liners to full out requests for a date:

"So basically what your saying is you have layers like an onion, but when I get to your heart you wont make me cry will you?"

OR

"I believe your the most beautiful girl in the world . You look like my dream girl to me what else should I say to ask you out on our first date?"

I mean really? One picture and thirty or so words about myself and you've decided I'm worth 2 hours and 50$? Sheesh, maybe I should date you… and get my car paid off while I'm at it. Oh, and then there are those who just don't know what to say, so they don't say anything at all:

"you sound interesting"

Uh, thanks? Delete.

And I realize that that comes off a bit shallow but like, don't I kind of have to be in this situation? I mean, I don't get to hear the charm in your voice, or see the smirk on your face when I read your message, I just have words. And a picture. It's your job to make them response worthy. Telling me everything I want to hear is obvious, asking me out right away, desperate, and pulling a Hottiedude is just well, pathetic. I mean, would you really approach someone in a bar like that? I can't say what the perfect opener is, since it's different for everyone, but funny and a little quirky will no doubt beat out obvious, desperate and pathetic any day.

Anyways, I don't really know what I'm really getting at here, I'm just writing. One thing is for sure though, this whole online dating experience is hilarious, too good to keep to myself, so expect updates regularly...

Food For Thought...

"You are a woman. You have the power to cast spells over boys with your words, your silence, your gestures, your eyes, and your actions. This power can be super fun/entertaining, and will most likely result in an epic make out and/or someone falling in love with you. I can’t stress enough how much power you have. Use it wisely."

-Alexi Wasser

Unsolved Mysteries...

Why are guys so good at coming up with horribly cruel and embarrassing signs to show their disinterest in a woman, and yet so illiterate when it comes to reading hers?

No, Really, He's Just Not That Into You...

I was talking to one of the photographers at work the other day and he told me the most unfortunate story about this girl who continues to chase after him despite his many - and rather obvious - objections. Now, I get the whole "chase" thing, I do. I've "dated" assholes before and I've fallen for not so single guys too. Not being able to get what you want is not only hot, it's part of the game - it's just how it works. And in most cases, the torture of it all is also half the fun. But despite all that, there always comes the point where a girl needs to smarten up, pull her head out for a minute or two and assess the situation at hand, I mean really assess it - because none of the torture that an asshole puts you through is worth it if you never get to take him home... in which case he's just an ass.

Sometimes it's hard to figure him out yes, that is the point after all, but there are some obvious red flags that you should be aware of. So what I've done here is taken a few examples from some of my friends worst experiences to help you with that assessment of yours. Think of it as a checklist of sorts… a checklist of obvious signs he really couldn't care less about you or the fact that his rudeness is hurting your feelings.

In order to get his attention, you either have to tap him on the shoulder or get him cornered.

If you can't seem to get a moment alone with him, it's because he's not making himself available to you. Read between the lines. You do not need to be chasing anyone around, if anyone should be cornering and tapping, it's him.

He showed up to the party you invited him to with his best buddy… and 5 other girls.

Aside from being incredibly embarrassing, this move of his is actually his way of letting you down gently. Basically, he's trying to save you from the even more embarrassing (and not to mention totally pathetic) chasing and shoulder tapping with an advanced warning.

He keeps calling you "Lucy", and you keep reminding him that it's "Lindsay".

If he likes you, he'll remember your name. It doesn't matter if the only other time you met was 6 years ago when you ran into him with a friend at her dry cleaners or if you have one those names that includes an exclamation mark and asterix - he'll have it down. Forgetting is not the same as not giving a shit.

He makes out with your friend.

Well, I don't have much to say here other than if you can't figure this one out then you're hopeless, I mean really.

*Please note that this list is of course subject to change as men are exceedingly good at finding new cruel and embarrassing ways to avoid being upfront with a girl about their disinterest. Beware, you might not get to read about any of those new ways here first before you encounter them.

Men Are Like...

... Blenders.

You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

To Wax or Not to Wax... That's the REAL Question!

Ok so this one was bound to come up eventually. I've been wanting to write about it for a while really, but finding the right approach proved harder than I thought. But then I read this:
(http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/relationships/article6893826.ece)

For those of you who don't care to read it, I'll explain. It's an article from the Times Online, well actually it's a question sent in by 38 year old woman who recently stepped back into the dating game. She's dating a 27 year old now and they have reached a, shall we say, "point of conflict" in their relationship. Basically he freaked when she took her underwear off and exposed her rather unkempt ... "garden".

See now I'm all for grooming, in fact, I think it's probably the most important thing I look for in a partner, initially. The problem here however is that these days - in the case of just about any woman out there who isn't a porn star, stripper, or single 20yr old in the midst of her own personal sexual revolution - "unkempt" pretty much qualifies as anything that falls short of a Brazilian. And what's worse is that the Times Online Answer Person - yes that's her official title - sides with the woman's 27 yr old boyfriend in explaining how unfortunately, thanks to porn, Brazillians are now expected just as much as shaved legs and armpits are, and though it may not be very fair, because men have now been conditioned to find pubic hair "off-putting" in today's society, it's up to us to do something about it.

Um... excuse me? First of all, I highly doubt that enough women out there are spending the extra $50 a month it takes to get the damn thing waxed for it to really be much of a social standard. Second, if having a Brazillian or not is going to be the deal breaker in this relationship - or any one for that matter - then maybe it's not the pubic hair that needs to go. Ladies, don't stress out about what you should or should not be doing according to today's latest trends, or worse, your boyfriends happiness. Always do what is best for you. The average woman is not walking around completely bald like you might have been told she was. And that's because, like you, the average woman has a life, she has things to do and bills to pay - and unfortunately for her man, contemplating the latest trends in pubic hair and weather or not his pornographic fantasies are being fully satisfied are not that high up on her list of priorities.

Bottom line is that it's your body, and it's your comfort. If you can handle the pain (yes, the pain), the up-keep, and the cost, then go for it, because there are definitely some major benefits to going bare down there. But if for whatever reason you can't, or just can't decide, please don't let someone who cringes at the thought of tweezing his eyebrows influence or make you feel bad about a decision that involves ripping hot wax off your most sensitive parts.