Ok so it's about time I do a post that isn't about me or what I think about a friend's situation (I know, I know, how big of me). Seriously though, listen.
Every time I talk to single girls, all I hear about are the “losers” they have to put up with while trudging through the swamp that is the wonderful world of dating. From the physical to the emotional, its a mess (I know), but you can control your experiences to a certain a degree you know, it's not like there aren't any warnings along the way.
It seems that the real key to having a successful dating life/experience (and I'm not trying to say that I did, or that I knew how to from the beginning) is about being open-minded yes, but also, and perhaps more importantly, being attuned to the other person’s signals, both positive and negative alike. Swear to god, every guy you date let’s you know exactly what kind of guy he is - and what kind of relationship you’ll be dealing with should you go for him - in some way or another, very early on. Like, we’re talking date one.
So what I’ve done here to help you is put together a list of 4 guy’s that you don’t want to date. Four guys that are out there, that have issues (aside from being stupid, drunk or gay) bigger than Everest and that you couldn’t fix even if you actually were Little Miss Perfect. If you can learn to spot any or all of these characteristics in a man, and remember to run like hell once you do, your dating experiences will improve in no time. (Unless of course you’re the freak)
1. The critical, superficial, judgmental, sarcastic type.
Oh joy. Not. This guy hides his genuine asshole-ness under the guise of a “dry sense of humor”. Please. He’s the type that is going to piss you off more than you ever realized was possible. He’s the guy who’s an ass to the waiter, and makes crude comments about the special-ed kids. He might come off funny at first, but when he starts telling you that that lipstick color doesn’t really flatter your chubby cheeks, or that your sister might want to see someone about getting her teeth fixed if she really plans on marrying someday, it’s not going to be so funny. This guy is an class A jerk, get up and leave before you have to start apologizing to your loved ones (or worse, boss) for having brought him here.
2. The momma’s/bitch boy type.
I hate this guy. Mainly because I like a man who looks like he could throw me around and teach me a lesson or two... but I suppose that’s all relative. This guy is just annoying. He’s a pussy. He’s the type of guy who doesn’t know how to do anything (maybe because he’s never had to), and if he does, does it so poorly that you’re always going to feel like you could have done it better. Nothing more frustrating. This guy either has his mom coming by weekly with groceries/rent money/laundry, or makes you mixtapes of his favorite love songs and crochets you mittens. You’re a woman, you need a man. Granted you’ll probably have the most romantic first date of you’re life with him (because his female influences have been strong), but at some point he’s going to ask you to heat up his bottle and mash his vegetables. Soft is never a good thing. Just keep moving.
3. The bromancer (aka. Vincent Chase Syndrome)
Listen close: a guy who is "tight" with his "boys", who's every story consists of the same 5 characters, who's version of anything or any "fun" time he's ever had has involved those boy or who wants to include them (with or without you girlfriends) in everything you do, is not boyfriend material. Trust me, he’s just not there yet. He needs his “boys” around because he needs their validation and really, they might as well be his mother. Not only can’t this guy make decisions for himself, he can barely think for himself. He’s not smart/confident/man enough to be a leader, so he follows. So unless what you’re really looking for is to adopt a small army of children, forget this boy completely (“boy” being the operative word here), because there isn’t anything but immaturity down this road.
4. The sex maniac.
This guy is scary. Not boo scary, but rather what the f**ck kinda place did this freak grow up in scary. He manages to squeeze sex into every conversation topic, takes you to the spa (or something else that requires minimal clothing) on your first date, and probably does something really creepy like leer or lick his lips when he talks to you (ugh, shiver). Now, not many of you would get caught dead with a weirdo like this because really that’s just gross, but some of you lonely impatient ones just might try him as a reason to get out of the house for a bit (lord knows I’ve done it). Don’t. Wait. Skip a turn. This guy is a perv, he’s beyond thinking with his penis and more like hand in his pants tugging steadily under the table. If for no other reason than because a man this hung up on sex can’t possibly take take himself out of his twisted pleasures long enough to make sure you’re enjoying it, I beg you to leave this one alone. You will forever be unsatisfied, in every way, with this guy. (Also just eww... yucky.)
Note to self (and by self I mean you): PRINT AND MEMORIZE.
