LOVE THIS.

Love Will Set You Clean...

Never in a million years did I think I would learn something from Ice T and his G.I. Joe of a wife, Coco, but alas I did - okay so maybe I wouldn't really call it "learning something", more like recognizing the validity and depth of a point that is most often overlooked, but still, very eye opening nonetheless, I'll give 'em that.

I was watching their new reality show and they were talking about how Coco (which apparently is her real name, shocking) would come over and clean his house in the early days of their relationship even though she wasn't living there. Ice was saying something about how strange he thought that was, and she was saying it was her way of showing she cared, because she has a cleaning OCD or something. And then I thought, hmm, is it weird that what she just said makes a lot of sense to me? Am I crazy, or did she just make a thought provoking, semi-intelligent point here? And then hit me, she's totally on point here.

Aside from being told (or it being expected) that our place is in the home, and our job is to look after a man (big no no), if there is one thing that a man should know about a woman, its this: WHEN A WOMAN TAKES CARE OF A MAN, COOKS HIS DINNERS AND CLEANS HIS HOME, ITS BECAUSE IN HER EYES, HE'S EARNED IT, AND BECAUSE SHE'S DECIDED SHE ACTUALLY CARES (DEEPLY) FOR HIM.

It's true. A lot of people (especially guys) take it for granted all the time, but the fact is, it's not standard practice in a relation between man and woman, it doesn't "just happen" at a certain point in every relationship, or because it's deeply ingrained in our genes. No. It's a privilege. And you only get to experience it when we've come to the decision (on our own) that we want to take care of you because you're worth taking care of.

Don't believe me boys? Think about it. What women in your life have cleaned up after you - other than your mom and serious girlfriends? Friends? Cousins? …what about sisters? (maybe, if it was her house you were trashing). I know the girls hear me on this, because we've all been on both sides of it.

For instance, when I think about my last relationship with my ex and how I was with him and compare it to how I am with Smooth now, there just is no comparison. I couldn't bring myself to cook in his kitchen let alone clean any part of his place. There seriously wasn't anything he could do or say, to get me to help with any of it. In fact, to avoid it all, I kind of expected let him wait on me since I was his "guest" (ya, I pulled that card, many times over). The state of place was disgusting, and deep down yes, it bothered me, but was I actually going to do anything about it? Not a chance, because that required me touching stuff I didn't want to. If cleaning is a sign about how you truly feel about someone, then I guess our fate was pretty obvious.

With Smooth, it's completely the opposite. I'm almost obsessed. I clean all the time. (And I'm so not a cleaner). I want to make sure he's got a clean house, a full belly, and that he's sleeping well. I don't care if I have to give it my whole day.

When we don't care about a relationship (and I mean that "forever" kind of care), then we don't care to bring that side of us out (you know, that nurturing mothering side). But when we do, well, it comes out in full force. Which, if you think about it, might be the reason for why so many of us have a bit of an issues with the whole "mom factor".  When we really feel for a guy, and open ourselves up to looking after him and ensuring his well-being (essentially taking on a mothering role), it becomes very difficult to let real mom come in and take care of him too, especially when its in our own home. It all becomes very territorial. We've made him our number 1 (very often even before us), and to not be his number 1 (aka number 2 to mom) can be a very hard pill to swallow... But I think think I'll save that thought for another post.

Where was I? Oh yes, real love = his personal house maid. Terrible way to put it, I know, but it's kind of the truth. I mean think about it, how many times have you heard a friend or someone on tv talk lovingly about their man talking about wanting to have dinner ready for when he comes homes, or doing his laundry, even Samantha spent 2 hours making all that cleverly placed sushi for Smith to come home to, it's what we do…for the right guy.

This isn't to say that all this is done without complaints of course, I mean, telling him to rinse out the tuna can before letting in sit in the sink for how ever many hours definitely gets old at some point, but its the thought that counts. And as long as we feel that the work and love is appreciated and returned in other ways, then really its not that big of a deal.

... Then again, we already knew that it would be, I mean, that's the reason why we've offered you this part of us in the first place, right?

New Beginnings...

Hey y'all, I'm back.

I know, I know, its been forever. I got lazy. Actually that's a lie, the problem is that I got really busy, only it was outside of here. My life in recent months has been full of changes, good ones mostly, but big ones too, so I haven't really been able to find the time to get on here and write. But, now that things have a settled a bit and I've received my 500th text/email/FB message etc about when the hell am I going to get back on here, I figured its about time. Also, I have time now, because I quit my shitty job (hooray!). So yeah, here I am…staring at this screen.

I think the worst part about blogging is that as soon as you stop, or fall out of it for a while, getting back on that horse and writing that first full length blog seems so that much more daunting. What to write about, that's hard. I mean I have all these topics and notes written on post-its all over my bedroom, but finding inspiration, staying in the moment of the topic, that's hard. It's like I have to re-learn how to blog. It's stressful.

…I guess I'll just start from the beginning, since that's probably the easiest way. But bear with me, my first few posts back might be a bit shaky. I need to get my groove back so to speak.

I should probably just recap the last couple months (very briefly!) since the last thing you all know about is that Smooth and I were in a tricky spot of our relationship, not communicating very well at all. Well that's definitely changed. We are doing better than ever. 

Communication is aced. Is it always happy and wonderful? No. But we're really good at talking and listening now, so whenever something is wrong, we put it out there and deal with it. He listens, I listen, he has learned to say what he means and mean what he says, and I've learned to say sorry and admit when I'm wrong (which has never been something I "do" per say). I think those were our biggest challenges in terms of communication, so I'm really glad that they've been smoothed out. (pardon the pun.)

We also celebrated our 1st year anniversary, it was great. Well, as great as it could be given that I had come down with the flu literally the morning of, and had to be propped up on my chair during dinner with a few hundred spare napkins close by to wipe off the profuse amount of sweat exiting from just about every part of my body (so sexy, I know). But it was wonderful, really. And it's pretty much been a dream since that night. There is something about that one year mark that's magical. Like, it's a bitch to get to, but once there, it's as if everything just kind of figures itself out. Suddenly, things start clicking and the relationship becomes this well oiled machine again, like it was in those first few months of dating, only more naturally. Fascinating.

Also, Smooth quit music. For good. It shocked me, I didn't really believe it, but I'm not complaining. No more cool industry parties or award shows, but that's nothing compared to the piece of mind he now has and the peacefulness that's brought to the relationship. Its absolutely incredible, like night and day. His focus is on us now, were not rushing home to write lyrics, or stressing about video deadlines…all is calm and cool, our time is our own. Which is amazing, and perfect timing, because...

I'm almost moved in. It's a slow process (snails pace practically), but one that is finally starting to happen. So that's good. Its meant a lot more time together, and a lot more time to work on us. And its really paid off too. Especially in the bedroom. Our sex life is amazing. It was getting to be a little bit too, how can I put this nicely? … routine? So we've amped it up a bit, and dedicated ourselves to making it fantastic - which, funny enough, I didn't really realize I wasn't doing until I made myself do it. Honestly, I didn't realize this, but sex doesn't just "happen". I mean it does, but not forever. Like, not even for a year. At some point you actual have to nurture it like every other part of a relationship. I knew that, heard it… but now I "get" it. And it's awesome. (ps. I will definitely be doing some sexier posts from this point on, now that I'm really starting to explore the wonderful world of "Sex" and all it has to offer, I'll be wanting to talk about it a lot more, and not just literally, I want to get into that good ol' sex therapy talk. So, fun times ahead.)

...

I think that pretty much covers the basics for now. Of course there are other things that I want to share with you, but their deserving of their own posts so I'm saving them. Plus it will keep you coming back.

More details later (like tomorrow). Promise.

xox