Instructions Included...

So I was browsing through Chapters the other day, looking for my next big read, when somehow, without even knowing it I ended up in the tantric sex section. Ok, maybe I do know how I ended up there, but so what, that stuff is just plain interesting. Anyways, as I was looking through one of the books - I think it was '365 Positions for 365 Days' or something like that- all I could think was my god were some of those positions ever… taxing.

I know, you were expecting me to say creative, or interesting, perhaps even fun, but the truth is, the only words that were coming to mind were confusing and exhausting. I mean, yes the idea of spending a whole day in bed being folded over like a happy origami crane sounds kinda nice, but realistically I couldn't do any of these "poses" for 5 minutes let alone 8 hours like Sting says I'm supposed to. Partly because I'd need a sandwich in there at some point, and partly because while the thought of experiencing the big "O" in new and exciting ways over and over again does sound tempting, the reality of trying to not black out from all the blood rushing to my head as I straddle a chair up-side down and backwards with one leg over my shoulder while balancing all of his weight on me, is not.

I've never been the kind of girl who needed fine wine and lobster on a first date, just a cold beer and some pizza will do. Easy, reliable, and satisfying, that's my motto. And it applies to the bedroom too. Why risk injury in the most precious of places with summersaults and backflips when there are plenty of good old-fashioned remedies that get the job done just fine?

I just don't get it.